Genocide day. But why not. A reason to celebrate is a reason to celebrate. I am grateful for a lot of things, but I cannot actually feel very much. Perhaps another change in medication is necessary. Do I have ADHD? Maybe. Probably not. How can I take charge of whatever is hurting me? Inability to wake up early. Inability to get out of my head. Inability to get organized. Inability to focus. I don’t seem to learn from mistakes.  I do the same things over and over. Stop living in myself. It’s hard. It’s hard for everyone. Everyone I see is struggling in some form. I have trouble expressing my love for them. I wish I didn’t. I am struggling with God, with faith. It’s so unpopular. I’m not at home right now. I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want life to start. But it’s already here, right now, I’m living all the things I fear. I feel so much shame for how I am, for my pain, for my living. Time to get up and trudge along, inspite  I have to get up and go home and do laundry and feed my fish and take my pills and clean my fridge and continue living. 

About Undecided Pseudonym

A woman who remembers enjoying writing.
This entry was posted in Archive, Non-Fiction. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Thanksgiving.

  1. We can see it, the love. It’s there in the corners but I know it’s there. Just because a faith is unpopular don’t let that sway you. Faith is a deeply personal thing and the relationship you have with it is significantly different for everyone. I strongly believe faith is hope, faith is comfort, to help you get out of yourself.
    Forever day by day. One day you may notice how things have changed without realizing. Fake it until you become it.

Comments are closed.